Disgruntled Part 2…or Not
This was a fun little exercise. A few weeks ago, I posted a 102 word flash fiction piece called Disgruntled. Some of you enjoyed it, and in your comments stated you wanted more. So I thought about it and decided it’d be fun to do a Part 2 but from the woman’s POV. Only, I really liked Disgruntled as a stand alone piece, so I was in a bit of a quandry. Well, my subconscious mind seemed to take over because it tricked me. After writing the story, I realized it read better as a poem, so I revised it. The result is kinda cool: the following piece can be read as a follow up to Disgruntled (click on the link to read it) or both pieces can stand on their own. It’s Reader’s choice! 😀
Coal Black Saviour
You watch my every move.
You think I don’t notice,
But I do. A snake, you fixate on
All my gestures; latch on to
Each of my words.
A trap, your mind catalogues
And analyzes it all.
Nothing escapes you.
I can’t forget your gifts.
You didn’t think I noticed them,
But I did. Black feathers strewn
Across my desk. Bugs piled high and
Squirming. So sick.
That word in red lipstick on the
bathroom wall.
Whore.
Jealous and bitter, you have
Become small. But
I have a gift for you.
It is heavy and coal black; it
Fits in the palm of my hand.
My saviour and true friend, it will rid me
of my terror.
Six slugs are all it takes.
Six slugs and a cleansing spray.
Then sweet, sweet peace.
At last.
Dyane Forde (Aug. 2013)
17 Responses to “Disgruntled Part 2…or Not”
Nice follow up to Disgruntled 1. The poem said everything for the character. Great work.
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So glad to hear it. I never know when it comes to poems, lol Thanks for your feedback. 🙂
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WOW, powerful!
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Thanks Victoria. 🙂 that means a lot. Poems always make me nervous lol
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I admire those who share their poetry. I’m never confident enough to!
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Lol it’s a challenge! But responses like yours definitely boosts the confidence. I might never be ‘a poet’ but it’s fun to try. 🙂
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🙂
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phew now that’s something.. a strong dose.. :p
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Lol! Thx. It was fun to get inside the head of a different sort of character.
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In the resting and imaginative Dyane:-)
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Or interesting might work … I hate autocorrect lol
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Interesting? Lol I guess I’ll take that. 🙂
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Lol autocorrect!!
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Beautiful imagery with the black feathers and red lipstick, and the black in your palm. Chills and shivers! Very cool!
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Thanks Katie! So glad to hear it. 🙂
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Nice imagery. Good job.
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Thanks so much 🙂
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